Month: June 2015
I will open this chapter by first asking for your prayers,my little one(*Dee) who is the reason for my dedication is not feeling well for almost a week now,the drugs she has taken down up to now gives me chills down my spine, but it is a relief to let you know that she is a strong girl and she takes this drugs bitter or not like they are nothing (<3).It is just amazing how she gives me strength when i am weak.Having her has no regrets at all,but work that came with her is crazy so damn crazy.It pushes me to the walls and leaves me horrible at times; but on the other hand her funny character and cheekiness,which i was told is just exactly a copy of me ,”you gave birth to yourself” my mums words,brings laughter and joy to my soul and this are the moments that i hold dear.
This afternoon i was sms’d that she has expelled all the food they have been trying to coax down her stomach…*this brakes my heart*…but the grace of God is sufficient.Please pray for her.
Its 2011 January am fresh from college after my ceremonious graduation in December 2010.
I escort my then BF to Busia town where he had spotted a job for himself,on my three days ..let me call it “vacation”….to ‘mark my territory’ i meet my more enticing ‘territory marker’..a job offer to teach at Busia Boys Secondary School…*mark you, it was my first job!!…..peanuts pay off-course but it was better than going back home to sit and wait for a ‘good job‘.
I accept this offer to show case my Mathematical skills in a Boys school,trust me it was freaking me out like crazy.With our peanut pays we discuss and decide to reside together to save on cost and be ‘close’ as well;Little did i know i was just starting my life over.
With all the good moments and worst ones that come with Relationships, in late July 2011,forgive me i cannot mention the exact dates because i did not plan for this hence did not note down when it happened;i discover my body aches,lack of appetite,stress,sleepiness was not just sign of any sickness but it was due to the foreign body in my womb….doctors’ ‘funny’ words which i did not find amusing at all.What to do? i must say the news was not received with ululation from either party because the ‘love’ was rocky then than you could imagine.The only thing that passed through my head at that moment is I AM NOT getting rid of this, alone or not.!!!;i quickly remembered my moms advice while i was a freshman in college “My girl,never have sex with someones husband,get your own boyfriend your age if you have too…i will not go to teach you about protections and stuff because you are a clever girl,but just so you know, in this current world we do not protect ourselves from pregnancy alone,we have AIDS,but then a gain human is to error and for that reason in case and only in case you happen to get pregnant never abort…your life is precious to me and to loose you in such a case will kill me,please let me be the first person you call and i will be there to hold your hand.” This words have never left my brains, i hope i have helped somebody with this sharing because they are very powerful and they really lived in me not to ever disappoint her for having such great love and trust in me.
I still feel as if i failed her kinda,as much as i was through with school,this was not how i had planned it to go down,but shit happens.I could not wait for my about two weeks to closing date and the start of August holiday,my head was already with my mum,and i didn’t want to give her this information via phone it just did not sound good to me.
Finally August was here, amidst my confusion i packed and headed straight home.Happiness galore to see my mum but could not say anything for a week,was looking for the best words for it.My plan was to tell her a day or two before i leave back for work but guess what,on the second week while catching up with her lying on her bed and me besides…we talked about anything and everything and i just blurted out…”Mummy am pregnant”,”really,ama una nichezea?” she asked, i responded it was the truth and the only truth….”Does your boyfriend know?”, “yes” i replied.”What’s his stand?”,”we are all confused but for sure am keeping it”….”okay,am here and thanks for telling me,leave it at that go and work without pressure we will conquer this”.
It was as if i had offloaded a great burden off my chest and head,..everything seemed a bit lighter;but the journey had just begun.Holiday was over i packed back to go for work, leaving with me were all the advises and care i was supposed to follow from my mum,they were all from experience i guess.With my collected energy i started the term so strong but wondering when my evidence of sex will start to show,*smiling* and the way my students were cheeky and naughty ‘boys’!!!
Sooner than soon i was entering the 2nd trimester and the evidence was coming in full swing,i had to start looking for maternity dresses and guess who came in handy…#mummy….,she calls me and sends me money out of the blues asking me to look for good official dress to suit me,and as if that is not enough she puts my sister-in-law (Kate) on the road to come bring me some collections she had been buying and keeping so i could choose from….#i heart this Woman so damn much….word cannot express.
On my sixth almost seven months during the December holidays things got so rocky with my then baby Daddy, guess it was the baby syndrome,instead of 2nd trimester coming with the ‘baby-moon’ as insinuated by most people,it carried all the emotions and stress; guess this things are different with every woman, no wonder all of us(mothers) have different stories to tell over the years without them being monotonous and boring,,,*laughs..
I needed a break from all the bad emotions that surrounded us and i took off to my brothers(willis) place who was then leaving with my only sister(Nivah) for the December holidays.Sooner than expected i was to go back to work i returned home my better half was excited to see me back, guess the ‘break’ worked.My belly was so big, protruding so much and putting into consideration my slim body!!….words can never describe…but on the other hand my face and boobs were awesome,i looked so pretty until you looked below my boobs.
On my 8th month which was within my 3rd trimester the baby stress kicked in again and this time everybody was over the edge,so moving out was the only best option before somebody got killed….and off i searched for my one bedroom house and moved in..you cant imagine the serenity…i tell you the extent this pregnancy thing takes us? only my fellow mothers can attest to this.
Noticing that i now leave alone,my small sister leaves college to come be with me for a week just so that she is sure am okay….NEXT, just after *siz(as we call each other) has left my mum calls and says ‘am coming tomorrow to see you,i cannot just take words that you are okay’…i did not think she can actually do that…i emphasized and assure her that i was fine…and i thought we were done.Next day on a Friday am at work around midday and she calls,”*Nimefika’ stage,come pick me”. I started crying immediately,i melted in this love she showed me,it really touched my heart and reminded me of the love each and every child in this world deserves,and i promised to love my children with my ALL.
I asked for permission in school and with my big belly no one could afford to say ‘no’ to me…i went to meet my mum and we looked for some take-away(s) and headed home…it was the best night ever,just me and mummy. I had never had a slumber party with my mum as far as i could remember until then.Since i just had my small mattress, i think the second last in size in the market and considering my circumference then, we could not share and fit with her.i asked her to sleep in my couch and she replies *”aiii nimezoea kitanda kikubwa nitaanguka”*…*laughs* so the next idea was to make her a mattress out of my seat cushions and she seemed very comfortable sleeping or she pretended to be…All was appreciated though.The next day being a Saturday we hanged out and walked through the ‘Busia City’ #umbali tumetoka..!#, we really had fun and finally confirming that i was okay she decided to leave on Sunday.Jesus of Nazareth is the only one who can attest to the unconditional love i felt those two days. Before leaving she gave me and by then baby daddy many advice;…yes, she agreed to meet him and gave us all our individual advises to ponder on….her parting words to me was..’look here my girl this is no sickness and neither is it permanent, you will be of shape sooner than you can remember and you should fight to be that beautiful mother,i will help you spring back”…..who is not tearing out of this?…i did tear up.
Finally it is march and i decided i want to be close to my parents as i end this journey,so my then baby daddy and now hubby(Harry) drove me to my parents and i was received,my dad looked at me and my stomach and was speechless,he did insist i eat healthy though and struggled to carrying some fruits home some times…talk of showing support..!
I had done my baby shopping but reaching home my mummy had a lot more than i had collected…’you have to be ready’ was her words every day and her question that at times got to my nerves was ‘will you go natural or should we book cesarean?’….”mum i will push” was my constant answer.
I waited and waited for this baby,finally i opted to be induced after running out of patience which is kinda my thing(running out of patience) and therefore i packed my bags and headed to the hospital with Kate *refer above…
After being induced and the pain had just started kicking in….Is a story for another day,and another Hero/Heroine will carry the glory.
Bottom line is Mummy and Daddy were both in the scene………….
I don’t stop because i am tired,I stop because i am done.!!
Today being Sunday and as expected of all Christians me included,is to go to church. Do not be disappointed if i tell you i did not attend today’s summon,and i have not attended one in like a month or so;not that am proud of what am saying and not that i planned to do the said.Actually without mincing my words ,i don’t really comprehend my actions because not long a go i was a cheerleader of the same.
To say the least,i don’t know why i am opting out of church,my guess is that i want to find myself first because i think i am lost a bit…..i sound defensive of my actions….but its better than just ‘yay’ing’ about not attending church.I will leave that matter at that,better less said.
Its evening and am calling it a wrap for my Sunday,rather than being energized for Monday,i feel actually as if i am approaching my weekend,tired as hell and my back cramping from lying in my couch since morning perusing through my Tv channels,jumping to movies and finally watching ‘My dream wedding’ which usually sums up my Sundays.
Let me get back to watching my TV series ‘RHOA ssn 7’…i can do with some ladies drama…it toughens my sorry a** a lil’ bit……ooh, before i forget please anticipate me tomorrow because its the day i start to return my gratitude to my supporters and heroes with my journey of getting my ‘Mini me’ to this world.You might just be one of them please don’t miss out.I appreciate you.
I don’t stop because i am tired,i stop because i am Done!!
I have always had this thought of starting my blogging website and talk about myself and the world i live in;but i have never put the thought in action until today….so,congrats to me!!!!!
I am of opinion that this could be that place i can freely express myself, because to be totally honest am good at putting it down than talking it out.Note,this will not be a site of putting my vocabulary to test or/and to portray to the world that English is my stronghold rather its an owned space of talking to me,my family members at large and my friends whenever they are.Those that will be willing enough to listen to my stories and voice beyond these written words.
So i lay in bed last night thinking of where,when and how my life started…not after birth but after finishing and graduating from college and it quickly reminded me of my journey with my little one(mini me) because it was about this rough estimate of time that she “happened”.I could not stop there, i also remembered the people that were and still are a great support system to me.
Well,that is a story for another day…..but am glad the thought of putting all that story in Facebook,starting with the caption “Long post Alert” freaked me out and i thought why shouldn’t i just create my space for these long post alerts? and HERE i am.
I don’t stop because i am tired, i stop because i am done!!